The Adventures of Darcey & Watson

Sometimes you just need to take a chill-pill and wait on the Lord.

I can’t help but think the Lord is trying to instill patience in me. Ever since Darcey and I started our courtship, life has been an exercise in waiting. First, Darcey had to wait for 2 and a half years before even sharing with me that he had feelings for me. Then we had to wait for two years before we could get married. Finally, we had to wait quite a while before we could move into our final house on the GFA campus.

This is our beautiful new house! (our friend’s car though)

I’m not complaining, I just can’t help but notice a pattern. I am super thankful that the Lord has been working on this topic with me as I wasn’t a very patient person before, and I still struggle with it every day, but I’m happy to see growth in both me and Darcey.

I’m thankful that God’s timing is perfect and mine isn’t. He knows what is best, and I can only know what’s “good”. He provides in abundance what I need, and often even what I want. He loves me and is molding me into what He intended me to be. I’m far from perfect, but He is still using me to reach the millions in Asia who haven’t heard His name. He has a personal, intimate relationship with me and is patient when I fail. God is good, all the time!

Though I still wish things could move faster, I am more content to wait when He asks, and even more eager to run when He says that it’s time to move. He is well worth the wait.

Have you had to wait on the Lord to move in your life? What are your stories?

Source: Another Long Wait

Waking up this morning, I was expecting a normal Wednesday. You know, wake up, put on clothes you think look good together in your groggy state of mind, brush your teeth, tame your bedhead, drink away your “zombie-state” with a good cup of coffee.

What I wasn’t expecting was my amazing husband to walk over to me as I sat at the kitchen table, cup of coffee in hand, and say “today would not be a good day to dance with me”.

Confused, I looked at him with a look of “OOoookay… please explain” on my face.

He looked down at what I was guessing were his feet. I looked down too and saw his socks.

Two left footed socks…. two left feet

I looked back up to his face to see a smile. Laughing, I realized, this Wednesday would be more than a “normal” Wednesday. This Wednesday is WAY more than just “normal”. When you look at it with a smile and think on it with a positive attitude, you can see that the Lord of Heaven and Earth fashioned this very day as one more opportunity for us to experience His glory in the faces of loved ones, to spread His glory to the ends of the earth through serving in the place He has us, to share His love with those we come in contact with. His mercies are NEW this morning. His grace is sufficient.

Enjoy your Wednesday!

Source: Not a Normal Wednesday

     I am finding, as I am in the final month of preparing for marriage, that I have a hard time knowing when to rest and when to run. I am one of those people who will burn the candle at both ends, especially when there is something that really needs to get finished. This is sometimes a good thing, like when I have a deadline that needs to be met and not much time to complete the task at hand. Other times, if over a prolonged period of time, I will burn myself out and either get sick or be in a state of emotional and physical uselessness.

The Lord is so gracious. This past month, there were a few moments of panic and stress, but always the Lord used it to show me that even if I have plans all set, He is the One who knows the beginning and end. One quote from Ender’s Game that gave me an “aha-moment” was “The *way* we win matters”. This reminded me of something that I already knew, but had forgotten in the midst of my crazy life.

“’Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the LORD of hosts” – Zechariah 4:6

This made me stop and think. Why am I getting married to Tim? It’s all for the glory of God, and to make His name known through the whole world and to reflect His relationship with His church to everyone around. Yes, I love Tim. Yes, he is my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life here on earth with him. But the real reason we are getting married isn’t to have a fantastic wedding. It’s not to fulfill needs that we think we have. It’s not because we have all the answers and are prepared 100% for married life. That’s ridiculous.

I’m very thankful that the Lord continues to slow me down to remind me that He’s got this under control. He brought Tim and me together and I don’t have to worry about what flowers will be in the reception, or the color of my dress. All that matters is that Christ stays the center of our relationship and we are so filled with His Spirit that He can touch hearts through our covenant of marriage to each other.

Two sinners, united as one before God, on a mission to spread His love through the nations. That is the beauty of marriage. Yeah, that’s easier said than done, but I believe God will continue to grow us in His likeness and I pray He uses us to reach those who have yet to hear His name.

Source: 28 Days and Counting

    Often, I try to do things on my own. I guess it is something engrained in me that I need to be in control, and if I am unable to do something, then I’m a failure and should just quit, which leads to me becoming depressed and useless when the Lord wants to use me. When I get a project assigned to me, I used to believe that it was up to me, and me alone to see it to completion. Which made me feel even worse when I couldn’t do what I was asked.
It was last month, when I was becoming overwhelmed with everything involved with the Veil of Tears store that I was close to calling it quits. When I heard a message in prayer meeting about working together, and how we are the Body of Christ and aren’t alone. Some thing clicked in my brain and heart and I realized: I’m not in it alone! We are in a battle as believers, each with our different trials to work through. If we don’t rely on the Lord as our strength and allow others to help out when they can, the enemy will find a foothold and make you feel alone and eventually take you out of the battle. Together, we can stand strong as one Body in Christ.
This doesn’t mean that there will not be times of stress and hardship, but when those times come, I don’t have to f ace them alone. I can ask someone to pray for me, or I can delegate part of the task to those who are willing to help out, or I can stop what I’m doing and refocus my heart on the Lord because it is His work I’m doing anyways. When I take the focus off of myself, it is so much easier to relax and rely on the Lord to get the task done in His timing.
Serving at Gospel for Asia, I have learned many things about the Body of Christ that I never really noticed before. We are a family. We are not alone. We are one Body in Christ. We share the same Spirit. We are constantly looking for ways to love and serve others, to place them above ourselves. When one member is hurting, the rest hurt along with them. Reading through Ephesians is encouraging when I need to remind myself that we are in a battle, and that the Lord doesn’t leave us defenseless.
A neat scripture reference I happened upon recently calmed my heart, so I thought it would be nice to share it with you as well:

“Stand up and bless the LORD your God forever and ever! Blessed be Your glorious name, which is exalted above all blessing and praise! You alone are the LORD; You have made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and everything on it, the seas an all that is in them, and You preserve them all. The host of heaven worships You.”
– Nehemiah 9:6

God created EVERYTHING and He PRESERVES it all. Why would I worry, why would I stress out when God has everything under control?

Source: Together as the Body of Christ

Today I just finished reading Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing After Sexual Abuse by Mary DeMuth. I first heard Mary speak at a blogging conference last year that I went to with Gospel for Asia to share about our blogging program. She mentioned using her gifts to glorify God and encourage others who went through sexual abuse through her writing. As soon as she briefly touched on her story, I felt connected in a way I still am trying to understand. A sense of community.

As soon as I got home that night, I looked up her blog and couldn’t stop reading. Her transparency with what happened, and then the way she articulated how the Lord is continually healing her spoke to me. So when she mentioned about self publishing the book Not Marked, I jumped at the chance to be a part of it. Why? Because I was sexually abused as a child for 9 years, I came to the Lord two years into it, He held my hand through it all and has been healing me since. Knowing what Mary said about healing is true, I wanted to back the book so that others who either haven’t started the healing journey yet, or are searching for answers can know they aren’t alone, there is hope, and God loves them unconditionally.

First off, I want to give praise to God for how He breathes life into those who feel used, abused, discarded and unloved. I want to praise God for how He is healing Mary, for how He is healing me, and for how He wants to use our pasts as a tool to walk with others as they heal. I give praise to God that when I told my story, I was believed and they helped me take the first steps in my healing. I praise God for Tim who read through Not Marked with me, who everyday encourages me and lets me know I’m loved.

To be honest, I started off this book with mixed emotions. I wasn’t sure if I would gleam anything from it because I had gone through therapy and as far as I could see, I was healed; but I was also extremely curious as to what Mary had to say… and so I read. I don’t think I got through the Introduction before the Lord began to speak to me through Mary’s words.

**I won’t go into too much detail, because I don’t want to give away what is in this book, but I will say a few things that the Lord said to me through it.**

In the introduction was a list. This list consisted of possible symptoms of sexual abuse that could be effecting us in our lives today. I was kind of skeptical at this point, after all, I’m healed right? So that means well… I’m healed and nothing from my past is directly “effecting” me right now! Boy was I wrong. As I read the list a few things stood out and I could clearly hear the Lord saying “Alley. Yes you may be experiencing some of these ‘symptoms’, however, I am using those to shape your character. I am using them in your healing. Yes you are heal-ING, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t come a long way. These are all ways you will be able to relate to others who have similar stories to you. Be patient, and keep moving forward.”

Wow. Okay. If the Lord was going to speak this much to me through just the introduction, I wasn’t about to pass up reading the rest of the book with my heart and mind open to His leading.

Not Marked has given me an interesting perspective on a few things as far as my own story goes. Before reading, I never really saw the importance in a community of people who have been abused, I never saw the point of “justice” when I already forgave my abuser, and I never understood how much it can effect a marriage.

I don’t know about others, but for me, I am finally okay with the idea of “community”. Serving with Gospel for Asia, I am well familiar with how community works in a Body of believers. Though, I never saw the importance of community with other women who have been abused and are in different points in their healing journey. But after reading Not Marked I feel a sort of “connection” with the people who helped back the printing of the book. I know… some of you are probably saying “duh” right now, but that was, I believe, one of the lies the enemy had me believing to make me feel alone as I healed. Which is stupid. I know I’m not alone. I know the statistics about sexual abuse. But my perspective has changed, to the point that I find myself looking around when at a restaurant and wondering “how many of these people were abused?” and “how many of these children will be abused before they grow up?” I look forward to the day the Lord shows me what He is going to use my story for. How will He use it to bring Himself glory and further His kingdom and encourage my brothers and sisters?

I also never really understood what the importance in “justice” was for my abuser when I already forgave him. See, when I forgive, I forgive like Jesus forgave me. I don’t hold it against him anymore! I can honestly say that I love my abuser with the love of Christ. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him and I pray for him daily. I was never even really angry with him. I saw “justice” as a sort of “revenge”. Yeah there are laws in place, and the law said he deserved time in prison, but I didn’t like it. But now. Now I understand. There are consequences for sin. “Forgiveness is not enabling”.

I knew a little of how, having been sexually abused, my future marriage will never be “normal” and there will be hurdles to overcome together, but through Not Marked, my eyes were opened to specific struggles that could occur. What was neat is that Mary’s husband Patrick writes a few paragraphs at the end of each chapter giving his perspective on what Mary wrote about in the chapter. It was cool to read how they are working together towards healing. Not just Mary’s healing, but Patrick’s as well.

Over all, I highly recommend this book to anyone who either was abused (even if it was just an unwanted touch), knows someone who was abused, or someone who wants to help encourage others toward healing. It was good for me to read, it was good for Tim to read. I really pray God uses this book in the lives of many men and women. That He uses it to restore and encourage.

I loved this one section Mary wrote from her letter to her abusers:

“Satan, you are not allowed victory in this arena. Jesus trumps your vile deeds. What you gleefully applauded in the darkness, Jesus heals audaciously in the light. You cannot and will not win. Light always, always, always pushes out darkness. Always. Your days are numbered, those who follow Jesus are sick to death of your sexual schemes against humanity.

We stand for healing. We stand for Jesus’s strength for the sake of future radically saved lives. We who know redemption are tired of miring ourselves in the painful past. Instead we will stand. We will dance. We will give our healed lives to rescue souls from the darkness. What Satan intended meant for evil, God makes a holy turnaround. We who desperately needed rescue are now agents of rescue, of reconciliation, of forgiveness.”

Thank you for reading my review of the book Not Marked by Mary DeMuth. I encourage you to read it. You won’t be disappointed.

Source: “Not Marked”

“We know love by this, that He laid own His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the bretheren” – 1 John 3:16

Through the waiting process that Tim and I have found ourselves in, I have been praying for the Lord to grow me into the woman He created me to be so that I will be able to serve and be the “helpmate” that Tim will need one day in a wife. But what did that “woman” even look like? I was beginning to believe that I would never be able to attain that goal.

I’ve been hearing over and over again that I have a “strong personality” and the way it was brought up in conversation made it seem like that was a bad thing. Coming from my background, my family is full of “strong personalities” and I love each and every one of those personalities, though family gatherings can get to be a little loud at times, but usually full of laughter and understanding compromises in conversation. Compared to them, that was one quality that I never would have thought I possessed. In fact, before attending Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship, I’d say I was rather reserved and quiet, quite possibly due to my “voice” being damaged by my past abuse.

Through my year at Gospel for Asia, as I pressed into the Lord, my voice was restored and I suddenly was able to voice my opinions. God was renewing my Spirit, healing me from my past afflictions and redeeming my view of His sovereignty. I was happy, people were finally listening to me and asking my view on things. I could confidently bring my thoughts to the table instead of hide behind the protective wall I had built around me. I had developed a strong personality.

This past month I went before the Lord wondering why people were so concerned about my personality. How could that effect my relationship with Tim? That’s who God programed me to be, so why change it? For weeks I was praying, reading His Word searching for answers. Did people really want me to change who I was to fit into their idea of who I should be? Though I’m still learning what this all means, and I am FAR from attaining the goal, I thought I would share with you what I’ve discovered.

I’ve been reading this book called Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior By Kimberly Wagner and I have learned SO MUCH about what God has designed womanhood to mean. I’ve learned that a “strong personality” or rather, “Fierce Woman” is not a bad thing, but far from it. It can be a very good thing, but when used in the wrong way can be very destructive to the men in my life, not just my future husband.

I won’t go into everything she writes, and I strongly encourage you to pick up a copy for yourself (even if you don’t think you have a “strong personality”) but I will share something that stood out to me as I was reading today about the “Life-Giving Trio”, humility, grace and love.

Here’s a quote from the book:

“Love is painful. Love is vulnerable. Love plunges into relationship knowing it will encounter pain and rejection. Love I what compelled God to create, even while knowing man would rebel, knowing separation would occur, knowing the fall would require redemption in order for reconciliation to take place. True love requires personal sacrifice and sometime, even death.” (page 113)

Love. I thought God had already taught me as much as I could possibly learn about what it means to love. But when you really get down to it, love isn’t just serving someone when you see a need, possibly getting a “thanks” from it. No, love stems from the grace of God as a response to humility which is a response of the TRUE view of God. Love is choosing to lay down your desires, your passions, your opinions, your personal needs to serve someone else without expecting anything in return. It means asking the Lord to fill you so completely with His Spirit that it overflows to those around you, despite your fleshly desires. Considering it a joy to give of yourself, even if you feel there’s nothing left to give.

Yes you take care of yourself, but the way I see it, God can take care of you while you pour out His love to others. God knows our hearts, He knows our desires, He knows our needs more than we do. He put them there! A “Fierce Woman” is someone who is clinging onto God with everything she’s got, allowing the men in her life to be who God designed them to be and letting God be God. Encouraging men to keep pursuing God, making decisions, leading and being the head of the home as Christ is the head of the Church.

There are a lot more qualities of this “Fierce Woman/soft warrior” that I could talk about, but I just wanted to talk about love for a bit there. Maybe I’ll write again later. I’m still learning, and will probably be learning for the rest of my life, but from now on I will listen to God’s Truth about womanhood instead of the world’s lies.

Thanks for reading!

Source: Qualities of a True Woman: Love

So, when I was younger I used to love Halloween. The dressing up in to strange costumes, going trick-or-treating, the candy, the spiders, the creepy things, and cobwebs. But lately I really am finding Halloween quite disturbing.
Telling kids that it’s okay to dress up as demons and other demonic things, practically saying “it’s okay to worship the devil because it’s just one night”. I’m not a fan.
Driving down the highway and seeing billboards of things I’d really not like to have images of plastered in my mind, going to the store and having motion sensored skeletons yelling at me as I pass by, and the adrenaline rush that comes when something disgusting jumps out at me from somewhere unexpected.
I do love Autumn. It’s in fact, my favorite season of the year. The leaves changing colors on the rolling hills of Pennsylvania, the cooler weather that’s like a breath of fresh air after the intense Texas summers, the pumpkins and thought of Thanksgiving drawing nearer.
Why can’t we just skip Halloween and prepare for Thanksgiving? I mean, I love dressing up in silly costumes, but I can do that any day of the year… I’m just not a fan of the creepy factor. I’ve never liked horror movies anyways, so why have a day that celebrates it?
I remember when I was a teenager and my mom had my brother and I attend the churches annual Harvest Party that took place when all my friends would be out trick-or-treeting. I used to get so upset about having to skip out on that, but now I can see why she wouldn’t let us take part. Thank you Mommy for looking out for us. Like many things, I didn’t see the wisdom in your decision until I grew up, but thanks for not giving into our pleas to be like “normal kids” on Halloween.
I’m done ranting now. Sorry to those who enjoy the holiday, it’s nothing against you, it’s everything against the actual holiday itself.

Source: Not a Fan of Halloween

I was thinking last night while talking to Josh, who was visiting with us during a business trip, about how I love eyes. They are the first thing I notice about a person and I am fascinated with both the color, as well as the emotion visible in them. When I was younger I used to love blue eyes because they were so clear, and there was a lot of emotion to be seen in them. But I also found that the different shades of blue had a very different effect on me. Light blue eyes were rather intimidating because I felt the person could see right through me and it was impossible to hide from their gaze. Deep blue eyes would make me smile and I’d feel “safer” around that person because there was a genuineness to their gaze.

Green eyes reminded me of my step-dad and myself, and it was rare that I saw them in someone else. So I didn’t really pay much attention to them, because after all, I could just look in the mirror and see green eyes.

Brown eyes reminded me of my mom and bro, and really my entire family, so I never really took time to study them because they were so familiar to me.

Now people’s whose eyes would change color were a bit more interesting because you never knew what color they would be. Mine for the first 16 years of my life, or so, my eyes would change from blue to green depending on what I wore and the day. Now they’ve settled to different shades of greens and sometimes a greyish color.

But then I met Tim. He has brown eyes, yet they hold so much emotion. More emotion than I thought brown eyes held. They are softer than blue eyes and therefore make me feel safe. But not all brown eyes have this effect on me, only the eyes of those I’m most comfortable with. And so, I have enjoyed studying his eyes, and last night while I was looking at Josh and Patrick, and their blue eyes, I had no fascination with them like I used to have with blue eyes, but rather, I more enjoyed watching Tim’s eyes and the little inflections of emotion that would occur in them.

I’m not sure if I’d go as far as to say brown eyes are now my favorite color of eye, but I definitely now have a new appreciation for all colors of eyes.

What is your favorite color eye?

Source: Fascination with Eye Color

The only photo I have with me in it since I was behind the camera most of the time

I’m sad to admit it, but I wasn’t really into going to the Declare Conference at first. Why? I really don’t know. It could be that I’ve been struggling so much with my health lately that the idea of spending a Saturday not “resting” was unappealing to me, or maybe that spending time with a lot of women and having to socialize over meals was overwhelming for me (if I had to guesstimate, I’d say I’m a 65% introvert, 35% extrovert). See back in Pennsylvania (where I’m originally from) I always felt like I could relate to guys better than girls because I was never “good” with conversations and guys don’t usually talk that much. However, when I got in the van with Sara, Thomas, and Clara to go set up the Gospel for Asia booth on Friday, I prayed for the Lord to give me strength, endurance and the words to say to the women I would be meeting. Praise God that He answers prayers because as soon as I stepped into that hotel, I felt the Lord with me and for the first time I was actually excited about what the Lord would do through this conference!

We set up the table and started mingling with some people sharing about our fantastic program available for bloggers called the 40 days of blogging (which we are still finishing up). You probably remember our table because of the true stories that were told about the plight of women in Asia, the free Dove chocolate we had at the table, maybe me playing the drum on the table, or maybe from that strange noise that came from the really neat Nepali Singing bowl! Either way I pray that the Lord used the Declare Conference as well as Gospel for Asia to encourage you to make a difference for eternity and inspire your readers.

I don’t know how many times I was inspired and encouraged to keep seeking the Lord’s guidance and direction for not only my blog, but also in my life. One of the ways the Lord spoke to me was through Mary Demuth. Hearing about her past and how the Lord is using that to speak into so many lives encouraged me to seek the Lord and ask Him how He would use my past as well. Yes I have a passion to help women who have been sexually abused, maybe have been rescued from torture in the Sex Trade, or are insecure because of things that have happened in their past. The Lord has already used my past sexual abuse for good, just like He promised to do in Romans 8:28

“And we know that ALL THINGS work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (NKJV, Emphasis mine)

That verse has been my life verse since the time that I told my mom about the abuse and she believed me. Some of the good things that have come from it? My healing and restoration, my Aunt Stephanie and Uncle Dan coming to know the Lord, my dad is now in prison and getting help (I pray that He will run to the Lord and the Lord will restore him as well), my little brother is so mature for his age, the Lord led me to Gospel for Asia’s School of Discipleship program then later to join staff, I’ve been able to love others and encourage them to run to the Lord even when it’s SO hard to do because you can’t see why this could happen with a loving God, and many more that I probably don’t even know about.

I came to the Declare Conference expecting to share about Gospel for Asia and maybe make a few connections, but the Lord wanted to use it for much more than that. He renewed my passion to pray that He will use me in some way to love others the way He has loved me. I don’t know the depth of what that will look like… But I sure am ready for the adventure.

Source: The Declare Conference and a Renewed Passion

As most of you know, I am in a relationship with one of the most amazing guys in the world. We’ve been courting since August of 2012, so it’s been almost a year. We started this courting process with the intent of figuring out if the Lord wanted us to get married in the end. After a whole bunch of confirmation from the Lord, we discovered that yes, the Lord has His hand all over this relationship and yes He is leading us towards the path of marriage. Now, the tricky part is I have a past. I know we all have pasts, but mine was quite traumatic and the Lord has had to heal me of A LOT of lies and deception that I had come to believe and cling to. That being said, the leadership that Tim and I are going to have said that it would be good for us to wait and make sure we are as prepared as possible and have a solid foundation upon which to build a marriage and life on top of.

Waiting is HARD! For a long time I was confused and fighting bitterness in my heart because I thought it quite unfair that we should wait when we know the Lord is calling us to get married. What did books have to do with the Lord working in our lives? Though time has given us a lot of time to talk about subjects we may never have covered had we been engaged and married sooner rather than later. The Lord has grown us so much in areas that are rather important in a marriage. Areas such as submission to authority, leadership, willingness to listen and accept correction, etc.

I don’t really think Tim and I have ever really hit the “Star-struck lovey-dovey feelings” towards each other stage. Yeah it comes up every once in a while, but I believe for the most part we have had pretty level heads for a couple. Which probably helped with the fact that we were best friends for about two and a half YEARS before getting the go ahead to start a relationship. So we were able to dive into tougher subjects when we started courting instead of starting at square one with questions like “So, what’s your favorite color? (insert batting of the eyes here)” We started with questions like “So, what are some of the things you have struggled with and are struggling with in your life, and how is the Lord helping you with that?”

Yesterday and today there was a speaker, Pastor Chuck, who came and spoke to the young single staff at Gospel for Asia about relationships and singleness and the Lord. I think it was rather long overdue for the singles here on staff to hear the things he talked about, and I rather liked hearing that Tim and I are on the right track and aren’t WAAAAYY off the mark in our relationship. But the main thing that these seminars held for me, was they gave me an “aha! moment”. I’ve heard it before, but for some reason, this pastor talking about it finally made it click. The outcome?

I’M OKAY WITH WAITING.

If waiting means that Tim and I will be on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ before even starting our marriage, then when we are married, the Lord can use our relationship with each other as a reflection to others of His love and provision. Through the healing He is doing and will continue to do in our lives, the Lord can use us to reach out to others who may be in similar situations we were in earlier in our lives.

To be used by God in such an intimate way to minister to His body… I can’t wait. I can’t wait to be used like that by my Lord, but before I can be used like that, I have to wait on the Lord and wait on the leadership that He has placed over me. And I am FINALLY content with that.

Source: Am I Content to Wait?