For those of you who do not already know, I was sexually abused by my step-dad from the time I was 8 years old till I was 16. I have been healing ever since. I don’t tell you this for your sympathy, but to give context for what I am about to write. See, my senior year of high school, I told my mom the truth about what was happening between her then husband and my step-dad. I am one of the lucky survivors who was believed, and action was taken to place him in jail. Jump ahead ten years into the future, Christmas of 2018, and we got the news that he was to be released out on parole. Though he is not able to walk around freely as of yet, he does have access to the internet to I’ve heard. Which means, he very likely has found my blog and has read my previous posts.
I thought that when he was released, I would be terrified. But I’m not. I truly believe that the reason for that is that God has been working in my heart and in my life to heal the shattered pieces left, and I believe He will continue to do so. Though He hasn’t been working in just my life. There is something broken in an individual who would willingly take advantage of the innocence and nievety of a child. However, God can redeem and repair that which is broken. I have to believe that as God has been healing and restoring me, He has also been doing a work in Rich’s heart as well. Therefore, with his release from prison, I pray that God does a real miracle in his life. That he becomes a genuine warrior for God. Not just in word and deed, but inside his heart and mind.
Now, don’t get me wrong. My praying for Rich does not mean that I wish to have a relationship with him, but I have forgiven him and continue to do so with each nightmare and paralyzation that occurs due to his crippling of my childhood development. But, I do love him with the love of God. By love, I mean true love that can only come from the Spirit living inside me, the love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (NKJV)
So I pray for him. I pray God will reach his tricky heart, like He has with so many others in the Bible who were thought to be lost causes. No one is a lost cause to God. I pray that with Rich’s release, that he will be released from the prison of his heart and will protect him from those who would do him wrong. I pray God becomes real to him. For Rich to see that no one is too far gone to be saved. That his sickness can be healed. And most of all that he would become repentant of the wrongs he has done to not only me, but many others.
I know that many people will not agree with me on this matter. That they will think I am crazy for how much I have forgiven. That they will not understand how I can honestly say that I love my abuser in a healthy way. But this is evidence of God’s supernatural working in my heart and life. What He does in me is between me and Him; other people do not have to understand it.
I am not defined by the abuse that occurred in my past. I am a child of God who is being molded in His image, and God doesn’t just love me, He loves Rich too. So, I don’t mind being judges as weird for wishing well my abuser because God knows my heart and will give me the courage to move forward with what He placed in it. I know this love is not from me. It is God’s love flowing from my heart. This is an example of God working in ways that don’t make sense in how the world works. And that is okay. Thanks for listening.