Today I just finished reading Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing After Sexual Abuse by Mary DeMuth. I first heard Mary speak at a blogging conference last year that I went to with Gospel for Asia to share about our blogging program. She mentioned using her gifts to glorify God and encourage others who went through sexual abuse through her writing. As soon as she briefly touched on her story, I felt connected in a way I still am trying to understand. A sense of community.
As soon as I got home that night, I looked up her blog and couldn’t stop reading. Her transparency with what happened, and then the way she articulated how the Lord is continually healing her spoke to me. So when she mentioned about self publishing the book Not Marked, I jumped at the chance to be a part of it. Why? Because I was sexually abused as a child for 9 years, I came to the Lord two years into it, He held my hand through it all and has been healing me since. Knowing what Mary said about healing is true, I wanted to back the book so that others who either haven’t started the healing journey yet, or are searching for answers can know they aren’t alone, there is hope, and God loves them unconditionally.
First off, I want to give praise to God for how He breathes life into those who feel used, abused, discarded and unloved. I want to praise God for how He is healing Mary, for how He is healing me, and for how He wants to use our pasts as a tool to walk with others as they heal. I give praise to God that when I told my story, I was believed and they helped me take the first steps in my healing. I praise God for Tim who read through Not Marked with me, who everyday encourages me and lets me know I’m loved.
To be honest, I started off this book with mixed emotions. I wasn’t sure if I would gleam anything from it because I had gone through therapy and as far as I could see, I was healed; but I was also extremely curious as to what Mary had to say… and so I read. I don’t think I got through the Introduction before the Lord began to speak to me through Mary’s words.
**I won’t go into too much detail, because I don’t want to give away what is in this book, but I will say a few things that the Lord said to me through it.**
In the introduction was a list. This list consisted of possible symptoms of sexual abuse that could be effecting us in our lives today. I was kind of skeptical at this point, after all, I’m healed right? So that means well… I’m healed and nothing from my past is directly “effecting” me right now! Boy was I wrong. As I read the list a few things stood out and I could clearly hear the Lord saying “Alley. Yes you may be experiencing some of these ‘symptoms’, however, I am using those to shape your character. I am using them in your healing. Yes you are heal-ING, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t come a long way. These are all ways you will be able to relate to others who have similar stories to you. Be patient, and keep moving forward.”
Wow. Okay. If the Lord was going to speak this much to me through just the introduction, I wasn’t about to pass up reading the rest of the book with my heart and mind open to His leading.
Not Marked has given me an interesting perspective on a few things as far as my own story goes. Before reading, I never really saw the importance in a community of people who have been abused, I never saw the point of “justice” when I already forgave my abuser, and I never understood how much it can effect a marriage.
I don’t know about others, but for me, I am finally okay with the idea of “community”. Serving with Gospel for Asia, I am well familiar with how community works in a Body of believers. Though, I never saw the importance of community with other women who have been abused and are in different points in their healing journey. But after reading Not Marked I feel a sort of “connection” with the people who helped back the printing of the book. I know… some of you are probably saying “duh” right now, but that was, I believe, one of the lies the enemy had me believing to make me feel alone as I healed. Which is stupid. I know I’m not alone. I know the statistics about sexual abuse. But my perspective has changed, to the point that I find myself looking around when at a restaurant and wondering “how many of these people were abused?” and “how many of these children will be abused before they grow up?” I look forward to the day the Lord shows me what He is going to use my story for. How will He use it to bring Himself glory and further His kingdom and encourage my brothers and sisters?
I also never really understood what the importance in “justice” was for my abuser when I already forgave him. See, when I forgive, I forgive like Jesus forgave me. I don’t hold it against him anymore! I can honestly say that I love my abuser with the love of Christ. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him and I pray for him daily. I was never even really angry with him. I saw “justice” as a sort of “revenge”. Yeah there are laws in place, and the law said he deserved time in prison, but I didn’t like it. But now. Now I understand. There are consequences for sin. “Forgiveness is not enabling”.
I knew a little of how, having been sexually abused, my future marriage will never be “normal” and there will be hurdles to overcome together, but through Not Marked, my eyes were opened to specific struggles that could occur. What was neat is that Mary’s husband Patrick writes a few paragraphs at the end of each chapter giving his perspective on what Mary wrote about in the chapter. It was cool to read how they are working together towards healing. Not just Mary’s healing, but Patrick’s as well.
Over all, I highly recommend this book to anyone who either was abused (even if it was just an unwanted touch), knows someone who was abused, or someone who wants to help encourage others toward healing. It was good for me to read, it was good for Tim to read. I really pray God uses this book in the lives of many men and women. That He uses it to restore and encourage.
I loved this one section Mary wrote from her letter to her abusers:
“Satan, you are not allowed victory in this arena. Jesus trumps your vile deeds. What you gleefully applauded in the darkness, Jesus heals audaciously in the light. You cannot and will not win. Light always, always, always pushes out darkness. Always. Your days are numbered, those who follow Jesus are sick to death of your sexual schemes against humanity.
We stand for healing. We stand for Jesus’s strength for the sake of future radically saved lives. We who know redemption are tired of miring ourselves in the painful past. Instead we will stand. We will dance. We will give our healed lives to rescue souls from the darkness. What Satan intended meant for evil, God makes a holy turnaround. We who desperately needed rescue are now agents of rescue, of reconciliation, of forgiveness.”
Thank you for reading my review of the book Not Marked by Mary DeMuth. I encourage you to read it. You won’t be disappointed.
Source: “Not Marked”
