The Adventures of Darcey & Watson

Disclaimer The following post shares a bit about one of the darkest moments in my recent life. I will be sharing some journal entries from my stay in the hospital this past May 2020 due to deep depression and PTSD symptoms. This in no way reflects how I am currently feeling, but my hope is that what I went through may help someone else who is or has gone through the same/similar feelings. This post may have some triggers, so I wanted to prepare you for the content.

This day starts with me being unable to sleep due to a million thoughts running through my mind. So I woke up and wrote a bunch of questions down. The first entry for this day contains only the philosophical questions, not the other 50 random ones.

May 16, 2020 Entry 1: What is the point of existing? Why am I worth keeping around? Why do I only see darkness in my future? Am I honestly not a burden? To anyone? Why am I useless? Why do people change their interactions with me based off of what they discover about my past and not based on how I've behaved presently? Why am I scared to go home?

Entry 2: What is a "good" morning? What labels a morning as "good"? I feel that it is more perspective than the morning itself being "good". For example, I may look at these "art" projects I have created with crayon and watercolor and want to throw them away, yet I keep them... why? Because others have put worth in them. If others said it was trash, I would not keep them. It is much the same with me. I see no worth in myself. I, myself, am not worth it. (whatever "it" is...). But others say I am. IT is hard to believe them, but maybe they are right? Should I try to see this "worth" they see? I certainly see their worth. Or should I just give up? I'm tired of trying. To me, hearing I have worth has as much weight as hearing someone say, "the sky is falling."

Entry 3: What is the void? Some say it is a place of nothingness. Personally, I believe it is a plethora of emotions, swirling chaotically together in an endless barrage of unwanted, yet all-consuming feeling. As more emotions get pulled into this mess, the person at the center of the void ceases to understand their life outside the void. But, like a black hole, destroying all that come too near, the person becomes consumed. Do they still exist? Or is their identity now this pool of emotions? Are they a person, or are they the void?

This sheds a little light on what I mean when I mention the "void" in my blog posts. Later on in my stay at the hospital, I learn how to name the emotions I am feeling and that helped tremendously. To be able to label the emotions and work through them as they pertained to me. If you are interested in naming your emotions, please contact me and I will send you the papers I received.

I have reached that point. The point that I knew I would reach in this process of moving. The point I’ve been consistently giving back over to the Lord because fear is not of Him. Over and over in the Bible He says “do not fear”, and even in 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.”

But what is this point that I have reached, you may ask? The fear of the unknown.

The fear of leaving everything I’ve grown to know and accept for the past 7 years. The fear of not knowing what to expect as we move forward.

But then I remind myself, or rather, God reminds my heart, that He is with us no matter what.

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear no, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Matthew 28:20 “teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

He is there already preparing a place for us to call a temporary home in that little corner of Earth that He is entrusting to us for a time. He is already working in the hearts of those we will meet and share life with when we move. He is working in my heart and mind, placing dreams and passions I didn’t know could exist in my life a few years ago, in preparation for our journey that is before us.

Therefore, even through the fear and doubt, I know I can trust the One who has never failed me. I can boldly step forward one step at a time knowing that He will guide my foot. And that excites me. That feeling of joy, hope, love, and excitement for what may be even though I don’t know all the details yet. This is what keeps me going.

Packing one box at a time, painting one accent wall a week, setting up appointments for apartments, and purchasing plane tickets. The knowledge that I’m not doing this alone. Not only do I have the God that created everything before me, I have a loving family by my side. I am not alone. And there is comfort in that.

Recently, I’ve been going through a rather rough time in my life. My mind has been swirling in chaos and confusion, my heart has been heavy with doubt and discouragement, and I’ve been so stressed that my health has been on a steady decline in the last year. All of this is no good and I know that it is not of the Lord. So I have been praying that the Lord would intervene and make His presence known and that His peace would reign in my life.

Then last night happened.

As I was preparing for bed, the Lord spoke very clearly to my heart. It must have taken a while to get through there because of all the clouded doubt that was smothering me, but God’s word will always reign victorious. It was almost like a battle was happening in my mind. Every time my mind would wander to the issues that have arisen in my life He would combat it with a single word: love.

Lord, this is happening to me!

love

But what about this Jesus?

love

I don’t know if I can trust these people!

love

But they did this to me….

love

Why should I stay here when I’d rather run away?

love

…

Right! Love! How simple. How pure. How joyous. How perfect of a solution to the chaos that was around me.

God called Darcey and me to love others as He loves us. That is our mission and call as husband and wife. How could I have forgotten? How could I have gotten so consumed by rumors and hurts that I lost sight of what really matters… to love God and make His love known to others. I am not defined by hurts, by GFA, or by others. I am a child of God. I am His and His alone. I am loved and am a work-in-progress as He molds me into His perfect image.

After the Lord reminded me about His love, He brought to mind a few other verses that have been my life verses for quite some time now. And they all meld beautifully together.

Let’s start with 2 Timothy 1:7

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

I love this verse, but this time when I read it, God revealed to me so much more depth in this single verse. I’ll break it down for you in the way God broke it down for me.

Fear. That same “fear” that is talked about throughout the whole Bible that we are warned against dwelling on. The same “fear” he told Joshua to not worry about. That “fear” that is so easy to be consumed by and takes on so many different emotions such as: shame, unrest, confusion, chaos, etc. This verse says that this “fear” is not from God! So WHY is it so hard to give it to Him to take care of?

Power. When I hear this, I think of how nothing that we accomplish is of our own doing. It’s by His power and His might. I also am reminded of the armor of God mentioned in Eph 6:10-20

“Finally, my bretheren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having girded your waits with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the firey darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.”

Love. I will let 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 speak for itself in this matter:

“Love suffers long and is ind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

Sound Mind. To this I could point to the whole book of Philippians. But mainly the fourth chapter.

Phil 4:6-8 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Finally, bretheren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

Phil 4:11 “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.”

It was so nice to wake up this morning clothed in His peace that passes all understanding. It’s so freeing! I only need to Trust the Lord. I don’t know why it took so long for me to get that through my head this time around. I’ve been hurt before. I’ve been sexually abused for 8 years of my childhood for goodness sake! God got me through that, He can get me through all that’s happening at GFA. God is bigger than my hurts. He is bigger than the chaos. He is Alpha and Omega. He is the Beginning and the End. HE UNDERSTANDS! It’s so freeing to think about His truth and His promises. I no longer feel like I need to flee. No… I can stay if God wants me to stay because there are people here whom He loves. As long as there are people who need His love, I will go and stay wherever He wants me to go and stay. I am content.

Be encouraged by this verse today:

Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

No matter what is going on in your life, God will use it for His good. Don’t worry. Be content. Trust God.

Source: Power, Love, and a Sound Mind

For as long as I can remember growing up, we have had some sort of pet. Whether it be a dog a cat, a gerbil or a fish, my mom always made sure there was some addition to our family.

Since living on my own I’ve been so eager to start my own little family of pets. It started off with gerbils, once they died I got a fish, once he died I got another fish. Then I got married. Darcey was not very keen of animals, so I prayed, asked him about it every once in a while, and then one day… I saw this beautiful dog on the ASPCA web site when searching for dogs in local shelters. Her name was Marley and she was 18 months old. I fell in love with her at first sight and sent the link to my loving husband.

After a little while I asked him what he thought and he said he had to close the page because she was too cute. That sounded like a good sign to me! So I asked him about the possibility of going to look at her and see if she would be our new daughter. He agreed!

After much searching and some complications, we found her and she was everything I had imagined and more! Darcey even fell in love with her! She was the absolute perfect dog, and we decided to keep her in our home forever.

The first few weeks were a little difficult as she learned her place, our routines, and that using the carpet as her toilet was not okay. Eventually she learned. I even taught her how to roll over!

She really is an awesome dog!

Yes she still chews on some things and has a bit of a separation anxiety problem and barks at strangers when they try to pet her, but she is a puppy and with gentle guidance and love, I’m sure she will learn better.

One thing I never realized was how much dogs actually shed! See I grew up with pets that shed constantly, but my mom vacuumed so often that I never really noticed it much. The other day I looked around our house and was astounded at how much our dear little Harley Quinn shed! Made me really appreciate all my mommy did when I was younger. She is an inspiration to me and I’m glad she taught us how to clean well so that I can try to keep up with the hairball that is our dog.

Life with a dog is awesome. Its nice to come home to something that’s always joyful to see you. To have something to snuggle with when you are sick at home alone. To always have a playmate. To be able to train and teach something new tricks to show off to parents and friends. To have something to take care of and remember to brush, feed, water, walk and bathe. Dogs are family.

Source: Life with a dog

Last night I had a super vivid dream. Lately I’ve been having lots of those, but this time it has stuck with me more than usual. I won’t share the dream with you, because it’s not the most pleasant of dreams, but while I was out to lunch I saw one of the people who was in it.

I’ve never met him before, and only recognized him at the restaurant because he was the guy in my dream. I felt like I should have talked to him, but didn’t have the courage to go up and say “hey, you don’t know me… but you were in my dream last night”. Something about that just sounds a little strange. Maybe I’m wrong, but if someone came up to me at a restaurant and said that, I’d probably look at them like they had four eyes or something. So I didn’t go up to speak with him.

Needless to say, I will definitely be praying for this nameless man, because I don’t believe in coincidences like that. I believe God had him in my dream for a reason, so at the very least, I will pray for him.

But this made me super curious… Has this ever happened to you before? If so, please share in the comments below. I’d love to hear your story. Did you go up and talk to the person?

Source: Has this happened to you?

Sometimes you just need to take a chill-pill and wait on the Lord.

I can’t help but think the Lord is trying to instill patience in me. Ever since Darcey and I started our courtship, life has been an exercise in waiting. First, Darcey had to wait for 2 and a half years before even sharing with me that he had feelings for me. Then we had to wait for two years before we could get married. Finally, we had to wait quite a while before we could move into our final house on the GFA campus.

This is our beautiful new house! (our friend’s car though)

I’m not complaining, I just can’t help but notice a pattern. I am super thankful that the Lord has been working on this topic with me as I wasn’t a very patient person before, and I still struggle with it every day, but I’m happy to see growth in both me and Darcey.

I’m thankful that God’s timing is perfect and mine isn’t. He knows what is best, and I can only know what’s “good”. He provides in abundance what I need, and often even what I want. He loves me and is molding me into what He intended me to be. I’m far from perfect, but He is still using me to reach the millions in Asia who haven’t heard His name. He has a personal, intimate relationship with me and is patient when I fail. God is good, all the time!

Though I still wish things could move faster, I am more content to wait when He asks, and even more eager to run when He says that it’s time to move. He is well worth the wait.

Have you had to wait on the Lord to move in your life? What are your stories?

Source: Another Long Wait

Living in Wills Point, Texas to some would seem like a super boring experience, but they are wrong. There may not be a whole lot to do out here in a small town, but the people are REAL and the places you go are quality. One of our favorite places to eat is Nana and Papa’s Blue Bird Cafe. We eat there at least once a week, sometimes more. Unfortunately, we probably won’t make it there this week because it is icy and expected to snow more tonight and tomorrow.

The reason I’m telling you about Blue Bird is that the Lord constantly is showing me His love and provision there. Not only the great food, but the people who eat there and own the place. The first week we moved out to Wills Point, we ate at Blue Bird and Ariel behind the counter asked us for our names, in an amazing southern accent. Since then they know us when we walk in, know that Darcey and I will usually order a side of tater tots instead of fries, that our friend will order grilled jalapenos on his patty melt and a side of chilli fries. When one of us is missing from the group, they ask about them. Needless to say, Blue Bird is more than our favorite place to eat, it’s a place to fellowship.

One of the times we were eating at Blue Bird, only a week ago, Taylor asked me about sponsorship at GFA. A little caught off guard, I stuttered and said I would bring information the next time we came by. Last Monday, I brought in a National Missionary sponsorship packet and a Bridge of Hope child packet. After eating my food, I walked up to the counter and prayed the Lord would speak through me to Taylor and Ariel about how much He uses these missionaries and children to further His Good News throughout South Asia.

I was not at the top of my game. Tripping over my words, I very poorly explained the importance of each sponsorship, and to my surprise, Taylor said, “Can we pay cash today?”. Blown away that they would sponsor both a child and a missionary, I shared that they could indeed pay cash and then if they wanted, could set up a monthly payment.

After they gave cash and filled out the sponsorship card, Ariel asked, “Can we have more profiles to keep at the store so our customers can have a chance to sponsor?”

At this point, I felt completely in awe of the Lord. How He could so beautifully turn my fumbling around for His glory. See, I have been in a rather dry spot in my walk with the Lord and was waiting for Him to show His hand again to me, like He does. This was my answer. Even in my weakness, He is strong. I should know this by now as He is always using my failures, my fumbles, my quirkiness for His glory. Praise God for His provision, and for His bypassing my inability to explain things well by speaking to their hearts instead. All He needed me to do was bring the profiles to the counter.

God is Good isn’t He?!

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced God’s provision in this way, what are your stories? Please share in the comments below, I’d love to praise God with you.

Source: God Still Surprises Me

Waking up this morning, I was expecting a normal Wednesday. You know, wake up, put on clothes you think look good together in your groggy state of mind, brush your teeth, tame your bedhead, drink away your “zombie-state” with a good cup of coffee.

What I wasn’t expecting was my amazing husband to walk over to me as I sat at the kitchen table, cup of coffee in hand, and say “today would not be a good day to dance with me”.

Confused, I looked at him with a look of “OOoookay… please explain” on my face.

He looked down at what I was guessing were his feet. I looked down too and saw his socks.

Two left footed socks…. two left feet

I looked back up to his face to see a smile. Laughing, I realized, this Wednesday would be more than a “normal” Wednesday. This Wednesday is WAY more than just “normal”. When you look at it with a smile and think on it with a positive attitude, you can see that the Lord of Heaven and Earth fashioned this very day as one more opportunity for us to experience His glory in the faces of loved ones, to spread His glory to the ends of the earth through serving in the place He has us, to share His love with those we come in contact with. His mercies are NEW this morning. His grace is sufficient.

Enjoy your Wednesday!

Source: Not a Normal Wednesday

To give a little background to this story. It has been a little over a year since I’ve gotten my hair cut, so it was getting to be longer than I’ve had it in over 8 years. Personally, I prefer short hair. It fits my personality WAY better than longer hair. And it’s fun!

This past weekend, a friend from Carrollton was coming by Wills Point to give haircuts to those of us at GFA who used to have her cut our hair more regularly. Which was a HUGE blessing because I’ve been a wimp at looking for a hair salon out here, in the middle of nowhere, for me to try out. Also, I am a fan of the show “Arrow” on TV and there’s a girl in the show named Sin who has my dream hair and the same face shape as me. So it was time for me to go back to my “fun” hair.

So this is my new do: (before, mid, and after shots)

Before

Mid-cut

After (no styling)

Now for the story that the title eludes to

After church on Saturday evening, a group of our friends were going out to eat at Chilli’s in Forney. When we arrived, I had to make use of the facilities; so I made my way to the restrooms. Upon entering the bathroom, a young girl, around the age of nine, was washing her hands. I saw her eyes get a little bigger, with a glimmer of confusion crossing her face as I walked over to one of the stalls. I usually think it’s rather humorous that people’s first glances place me as a boy, but then they usually come to the conclusion that I’m a girl.

I finished my business, and by this time the little girl was no longer in the bathroom; so I went to the sink, washed my hands, and then proceeded to play with my hair to make it do what I wanted it to do. (I hadn’t “done” it since I had it cut, so it was just air-dried and a little flat). As I was fixing my hair, the same little girl opened the door to come in and as she saw me, she promptly turned around and went back outside the bathroom. This made me laugh.

After fixing my hair, I put my purse on my shoulder and exited the bathroom, only to be greeted by this little girl in the blue shirt. Apparently she thought I was a guy and was waiting outside the bathroom till I left so she could go back in.

I promptly went to tell my friends of my strange encounter, and we all laughed at the silly situation.

I’m so happy I have my short hair again, regardless of the fact that some children might confuse me with a guy. Besides, Darcey prefers my short hair. He has said multiple times since I got it cut “I love your hair” or “That’s the girl I fell in love with”.

Do any of you have short hair? Have you had similar experiences? I’d be curious to hear your stories.

Source: Scaring a Little Girl in the Bathroom

Hey everyone!

So, I figured it would be good to write a quick post to let you all know I’m still alive and loving life. Things have been rather busy lately with getting married, living in a hotel with little Internet access, moving an hour east with Gospel for Asia to our temporary home with NO Internet access, adjusting to life in the country, and many projects in the Web Department.

My hope is to continue writing blog posts on a more regular basis once we move into our real house and get our Internet hooked up. Then I can share with you the ins and outs of how I viewed my wedding, about our amazing trip to Sweden for our honeymoon, the chaos of moving to Wills Point, Texas from Carrollton, TX, and what it’s like to be a Zink.

So much to look forward to!

As for now, we would really appreciate your prayers. Things are starting to become a bit more “normal” as far as ministry goes, but it’s a major adjustment that we are still trying to get used to. Please pray for grace, wisdom, and an abundance of joy.

Thanks!! God is Good

Source: Long Time No Write!