Disclaimer The following post shares a bit about one of the darkest moments in my recent life. I will be sharing some journal entries from my stay in the hospital this past May 2020 due to deep depression and PTSD symptoms. This in no way reflects how I am currently feeling, but my hope is that what I went through may help someone else who is or has gone through the same/similar feelings. This post may have some triggers, so I wanted to prepare you for the content.
May 15, 2020 Entry 1: Stardate 05152020: I have achieved something. Today I finished two books, walked a long time (albeit in circles in the day room), made a map of my room, talked with doctors and nurses, and feel more comfortable asking for things. Like this pencil I am writing with (I was writing with crayon prior) I quite like it here, even if I feel like a burden to the nurses and doctors. Even if I feel I am being babied. I feel safe. The weight of feeling I need to protect myself from...myself is mostly lifted. If I start thinking down that path, I simply leave the door open or go out in the dayroom. End Log
As is pretty evident, I was feeling better on this day. Not 100%, but it is nice to have relief, even if it is fleeting. Those who have depression, or struggle with their mental health, have up days and down days. The doctors say it is normal to fluctuate like this. Thankfully, with my medication, my down days are not as low as they were prior to and while in the hospital. Praise God for that.
