Disclaimer The following post shares a bit about one of the darkest moments in my recent life. I will be sharing some journal entries from my stay in the hospital this past May 2020 due to deep depression and PTSD symptoms. This in no way reflects how I am currently feeling, but my hope is that what I went through may help someone else who is or has gone through the same/similar feelings. This post may have some triggers, so I wanted to prepare you for the content.
May 23, 2020 Entry 1: Is sleep my enemy? Why do good and positive emotions seem to seep endlessly through the cracks in my being? What about the negative emotions? Is the void so sticky that it lingers and festers to the point of decay? Decay that poisons the soul and damages the psyche. Again I ask: What is the point? Does the void keep me awake or is it just one more thing that I am not good at? If I could sleep, I would feel the master of some aspect of me. As it stands, I have no point. But I should not be thinking such things.
Entry 2: Everything is perspective.
Thankfully, now I am on sleep medication and getting enough sleep has certainly helped my mood. Not so much my energy levels, but I think that will come with time. Again, one step at a time.
