Disclaimer The following post shares a bit about one of the darkest moments in my recent life. I will be sharing some journal entries from my stay in the hospital this past May 2020 due to deep depression and PTSD symptoms. This in no way reflects how I am currently feeling, but my hope is that what I went through may help someone else who is or has gone through the same/similar feelings. This post may have some triggers, so I wanted to prepare you for the content.
May 17, 2020 Entry 1: Sometimes I wish I was Batman. Or a superhero from the comics. Someone with a tragic past, who has survived depression and dark emotions, funneling those deep feelings into protecting others and fighting for justice. Is there hope for me to find something to fight for? Is there someone I can protect? Can the void be of use? What hope is there for the void that is me?
I was feeling a little better on this day. I was trying to find what I could live for. It felt like I was on the cusp of becoming either a hero or villain of my own story. One thing that heroes and villains have in common is usually a tragic past or misunderstanding that propels them in one of two directions. Though my thoughts are sometimes consuming, I always feel that I can protect others and live for them.
